Saturday, January 19, 2008

Phase Off

I woke up the other night having a nightmare. It was not one of those high speed chases or a ghost drama. The scene was something like this: I was playing cricket in the backyard of my friend’s house, where I have spent most of my school days. I had one ball left and had to score two runs to win. Tension was running high. And when the ball was bowled, I missed the ball. I lost. I woke up with a jerk. I could feel a big hole inside me. It was not because I couldn’t make those runs. It was not because I lost. Sadly, failures don’t affect me these days! It just struck me that I would never be in that situation again. I might get to play cricket. But I would never be playing there anytime. I would never be back to that phase of my life. The night never seemed to end.

I kept thinking about the dream for a few days after that too. It was not nostalgia. I just couldn’t help relating a lot many incidents that happened to the whole concept. We live our life in phases. And it is a fact that you seldom get to get back to a phase you crossed. As I witness a lot of my friends getting married, I see that they have happily moved on to another phase of their lives. And even with others, the friendship occurs in phases. More out of need one would assume. There would be a phase where you spend almost 10-15 hours of a day with a friend of yours and a few years down the lane, you would be thinking 10-15 days before you decide to take the first move and talk to him/her. The drift widens without even your realizing it. I do have a couple of friends of mine whom I can call up in the middle of the night even to ask about something. All of us do. But I was just analyzing how many others had just kept themselves away from me and I too kept away from them.

I couldn’t help but conclude that that phase of my life where I was great friends with him/her was over. I found a lot of people saying that they are going through a bad phase after a broken relationship. But I have seen the same people moving into the next phase and behave as though the other phase never happened. May be that is the secret behind a smooth life. The faster you come out of the previous phase, the easier the present becomes for you.

I tried applying this to lot many instances - At workplace, at home with my parents, with friends, with new acquaintances. It made lot of things easier. I just visualized life as a one way road with so many crossroads. A few people might travel with you all your life. The rest may take deviations in any one of the crossroads. They might come back and join you somewhere ahead. But once you decide on the road, you will be pretty much traveling towards a new arena. Instead of thinking how good or bad the previous roads were, if you can enjoy the sceneries in the current one, you will surely go places. I sense that there is another crossroad coming up ahead soon somewhere. They always scare me; confuse me. But yes. I would be interested to see which road is coming up next. I would like to move out of this phase.

Song for the occassion: Hum Jo chalne lage, chalne lage hain ye raste ..