Saturday, April 7, 2007

Iyerish Musings

"Pyar soch samajhkar nahi kiya jaata ; Bus ho jaata hai
Agar aisa hai toh mein woh pyar ko hone hi nahi deta"

Akash couldn’t keep his words and fell in love with Shalini. So what about you Mr.Iyer?

Around 65 % of the Indian middle class youngsters stick to arranged marriage (BTW 44.3% of statistics is useless!). And around 80 % of them I guess would have given up on their love just because of pressure from their parents. No, this is not a preview of any Hindi movie. Nor is it an age-old debate of Arranged Marriage Vs Love marriage. These are just musings of a middle-middle class Iyer guy. (Relax Amma. I am not trying to tell you something through this :))

The fact is that most of the TamBrahms are conservative when it comes to marrying their child off to a guy/girl of different caste (forget religion). Even more so are the Marwadis or the Kobras or Shastris(Not even considering the muslims). In fact we can generalize this to a wider range of communities in India. So caught in between the devil (love) and the deep sea (society) are the young minds.

We all know that when Cupid strikes it is really tough to resist. It might be the lamest of the reasons; like I cant live without looking at her eyes; he is so caring and sensitive; both of us like Hum Aapke hain Kaun etc etc. But it does drive people crazy. So much that they would go to any extremes for him/her. Thanks to the movies that give a million permutations and combinations of the ways in which love unfolds, wins, fights or loses, we are never short of examples of a lover’s tale. So when you do realize that you are in love with someone, would you be able to resist?

I know every individual has the right to shape his life up. And a life partner is the most important part of it. But in out society where parents are still not open minded and secular enough, should we take a risk? I call it a risk because many a times you might be able to convince them that your decision is not erratic. And if they do not approve of it then starts the battle. Elope, register your marriage, come with a baby in one year’s time and ask your parents to forget everything. So is it really worth this fight. Should you hurt your mom and dad’s sentiments? After all they lived their life for you!

So now starts the struggle: To find someone of your same clan and fall in love. How much ever stupid that sounds! I mean, you can’t go to girl and say, “I love You. Would you like to spend the rest of your life with me? Err …By the way you are an Iyer right!!”
Like love in itself is not complicated enough! As you try day in and day out to sustain it, and at last decide that she/he is the one, there comes the problem of meeting the parents! Probably people have been there and done that would be able to explain the intricacies of the whole thing.

Is it really possible to step aside and defend the Cupid when it strikes? When you meet some one who is so meant for you. Some one with whom you will be happy to spend the rest of your life with. Or should you just go into a shell and be narrow-minded?
I guess this confusion would occur only to a set of people. Some wouldn’t even understand what I am talking about. People from the west would laugh out loud at this. Sometimes I wonder if their approach to life is much more simpler. Like a daughter would go to her mom and say “Mumma, I am getting married” and the mother would jump and embrace the girl and say “Oh honey, I am so happy for you!” But since I am in the part of the world where people are not that broad minded (but perhaps sensible), I would think a million times before venturing taking the devil’s side! And in the end I guess I would decide to kick away the cupid. What about you ?

Comments others had were:

Divs said...

Just came across your blog...And well, i couldn't agree more with all that you said in this post! But ofcourse, there's always the hope that your parents will ultimately understand...and put your happiness first if cupid ever tempts u and makes things happen. After all, they're appa and amma! :D We all live in hope!

“I love You. Would you like to spend the rest of your life with me? Err …By the way you are an Iyer right!!” ---LOL!

And abt cupid...we'll think abt it when it strikes!

Vinod R Iyer said...

Divs : Thnks for the motivation :D.

Ya ..let us indeed hope :)

Divs said...

I dont usually leave comments on blogs of people i dont know personally, but this post was just too tempting! And went thro your other posts also... Nice blog!

Anonymous said...

Well there are a lot of reasons to prefer arranged marriage over love marriage.
1. You end up compromising a lot more if your partner is not your same religion/caste. Again it depends on how important religion is in your daily life. But even simple things like eating and cooking food become issues. If you belong to the same caste perhaps the way your food is cooked/eaten is almost the same.

2. You are willing to tolerate a lot more of a person you consider your friend. But when you begin to live with him/her all those things you shrugged off as an idiosyncracy might seem outright idiotic to you. Things like cleanliness or even TV channels.

3. In India you still marry into a family. So you are not just putting up with one idiosyncratic person, but actually two or three!

4. Life changes after marriage. Maybe some stats can show you that romance goes onto the backburner post-marriage.

5. Yes its very nice to believe in the ideal of love which rises beyond the petty things I have stated above. But this is a real world with real people with real egos. And I am not saying that the arranged marriages are free from any clashes. But just to give you some food for thought, even some Brits think arranged marriage is by far the best way to go about it.

Vinod R Iyer said...

Divs: Thnks. You are welcome to comment on my blog.Criticisms will also be accepted :). I too do a lot of blogtrotting and leave coments on other's blogs.So no issues at all.

Anonymous: Thanks for the food for thoughts. I assume it is experience speaking ?! As I said I m not debating arranged marriage Vs Love marriage. But i have to agree with you about the love lacking after marriage in a love marriage thing. At the end of the day compromise is what rules the roast I guess.

Anonymous said...

love or arranged...u have to adjust and compromise everywhere...iyer non iyer...differences and different world views will crop up ...
koi gurantee nahi hota hai...

padma said... coments..!

Vinod R Iyer said...

Anonymous: Compromise is THE word I guess !!

Padma: Come on, You can do much better than that :)

s_h_r_u_t_i said...

nice one!
but i guess u pretty much said it all :)
and for the Sociey of Aware Iyers ( ;) ), i guess it only means that we shudnt let cupid IN in the first place to shut it out later.. :D

Anonymous said...

your blog says a lot...but let me tell you ...there are so many like you who decide to kick off CUPID simply because of such is like that man!

Vinod R Iyer said...

Shruti: People in love say it is not so easy to shut it out :)

Anonymous: I know...I am one among the lot!!!

Sushma said...

Don't believe in love. It's all just chemistry. Once the chemicals stop coursing through your body, what are you left with? A listless marriage and no parental support. I don't know, I'm guessing that my parents(even tho Iyers) aren't too bothered with the caste, religion (etc,etc,etc) of the guy, as much as what kind of a person he is. I kind of feel the same way. I know, I know(!) when I say I don't believe in love, people invariably say that that's because I've never experienced it. Somehow I doubt that will ever happen. If you've seen what Surya has to say to Esha Deol on the bike in Aayutha Ezhuthu, you'll get what I mean.

Vinod R Iyer said...

X Chromosomes , Y chromosomes , XX chromosomes, XY chromosomes !! :)
Athupadi :D

You know what ? If u had said this a few years back I might just have agreed with you. May b u ll get to know too :)

Thanks for dropping by my blogspace

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